Sometimes I get jealous. Even though I have an incredibly wonderful life (awesome family: check, dream job: check, roof over my head: check, money in the bank: check, a rad new haircut: check), the green-eyed monster still pops out every now and again just to make sure I don’t get too confident.
A large chunk of that jealousy stems from a feeling of inadequacy (doesn’t it always?). I see someone doing something better/different/more creative than me, and immediately think, “Wow, look how inferior I am. I’ll never be as awesome/creative/successful as them.” Sometimes it’s the truth—I’m probably not going to be the next Martha Stewart—but more often than not, it’s a feeling that’s really not founded in reality.
For as long as I can remember, people have called me “creative” but I always felt like a bit of a poser. Sure I can pick out colors and take a decent picture of food, but as far as truly, trend-setting, innovating creative? That’s not me. It never has been, and I don’t think it ever will be. And for the longest time, I thought that meant I was a failure.
Back in a previous life, when I was a full time graphic designer, I experienced this feeling of creativity inadequacy all the freaking time. Why couldn’t I just think of the next big thing? Why was I so good at hitting singles but never could hit the home run?
I think a lot of what led to my demise in that profession was that feeling of inadequacy (among other things). For some reason, I thought entering a new, but equally creative, profession would solve it. Um, no. Sometimes, I still get that same feeling of inadequacy when I scroll through my Instagram feed and see all the AMAZING and CREATIVE and GROUND-BREAKING and TOTALLY AWESOME things other recipe developers and bloggers are doing. Why didn’t I think of that? Why am I not that creative?
And then I remind myself that there is beauty in simplicity.